Child Sex Abuse (CSA) has remained a real big challenge in Kashmir and continues to be so. The other crisis is that people speak up so late and by then innocent lives are devasted inside out, reports Syed Shadab Ali Gillani
Aiman (name changed) experienced a life-altering trauma when she was just six years old. She was sexually abused by her older cousin, leaving her devastated for a lifetime.
“I was very young at the time when my cousin first started touching me inappropriately,” she said. “Of course, I did not understand it at all as I was just a child who only knew how to play.”
She went on to describe how the abuse progressed over time. “He would ask me to play with him, which eventually became more physical. Every time we used to play ‘house’, he would tell me to be his wife and say he was my husband. I barely knew what that would mean, but he was six years older than me and knew exactly what he was doing.”
“He would touch me, and since I was never taught about good and bad touch, I could not know the difference,” she continued. “But it slowly became terrible. I could never overcome that trauma.”
Child Sexual Abuse (CSA), prevalent worldwide, is a reality back home as well. It includes sexual violations or mistreatment targeted at a minor less than 18 years of age. According to a senior police official, around 200 to 250 cases are reported annually in Kashmir since 2020.
As per some media reports, around 343 cases (97 in Jammu, 246 in Kashmir) of CSA were reported between January 2020 and November 2020.
CSA is a crime across societies but revealing it is still considered taboo, especially in Kashmir. In fact, the stigma attached prevents victims and survivors from talking about it. Most of the families continue to brush off the reality that such immorality exists. However, when one sees behind the veil, child sexual assault and molestation in Kashmir are as real as other forms of harassment. Consequently, CSA is neither addressed nor discussed. It is avoided, neglected, or swept under the rug.
For Aiman, the abuse continued for a decade. “I realised he was abusing me, but I was afraid to stop him. Almost a decade later, when I was 16, I finally mustered the courage to end that misery,” she recalled. “Some strange courage came over me the last time he tried to touch me. I looked at him while pushing his hand away from my body. I knew it had to end there and then. Even though I had finally stood up to him, I still felt guilty for not being able to stop him sooner.”
Talking about the trauma, she added that the abuse left her scarred for life. “I cannot trust people. I panic easily. I have bruises and scars all over my body,” she talked about the post-abuse crisis. “I attempted suicide but failed to succeed. Recently, my family has been planning my marriage, but I refused. I am not ready. I cannot get close to anyone mentally or physically. I am emotionally numb.”
She insisted: “What was just a fun activity for my cousin ruined my life. I have never spoken out loud about this except to my counsellor once. I cannot open up about it.” she reviled.
Child Sexual Abuse
The World Health Organisation (WHO) defines child abuse as the involvement of a child in sexual activity that they do not fully comprehend, are unable to give informed consent to, are not developmentally prepared for and cannot consent to, or that violates the laws or social taboos of society. CSA is evidenced by such activity between a child and an adult or another child who, by age or development, is in a relationship of responsibility, trust or power over the child. The activity is intended to gratify or satisfy the needs of the perpetrator.
There are two types of child sexual abuse: (a) physical contact and (b) non-physical contact. Physical contact includes touching, groping, coerced sexual activity, attempted coercion, and rape. Non-physical contact includes showing minors pornography, asking them to pose nude, providing nude photos, online harassment, and sending vulgar remarks.
The Continuous Ordeals
In another incident, a survivor named Zareen (name changed) stated it all started when she was in first grade. As with Aiman, Zareen’s abuse was repetitive but perpetrated by different people. “It started at a time when I did not understand something wrong was happening. It has drastically affected how I think and see people, especially men.”
A sudden gloom overtook Zareen, who trembled to recount her tale. She has also never spoken about this with her parents. “I didn’t know how to speak about it or dared to for a long time. By the time I realised any of it, I was torn down.”
A pattern of dysphoria and guilt is seen in most of these silent sufferers. “I have spent my entire life ridiculing and shouting at myself due to the abuse I endured, to the point where I developed self-loathing,” Zareen candidly shared. “There were moments when I even regretted my existence.”
She proceeded to recount the impact it had on her mental well-being over the years. “All these pent-up emotions took a toll on my mental health, slowly eroding it. I found myself attempting suicide numerous times, but each attempt failed.”
“It wasn’t until 2021 when a concerned friend noticed my deteriorating condition that I realised I could seek help from a therapist,” Zareen continued. “I took a chance and consulted a doctor who identified my deep-rooted trauma.”
“Because I had not opened up to my family about my struggles, I felt compelled to discontinue therapy after only two sessions,” she regretted.
Unfortunately, after her father’s death, her mental health worsened, and sought help from multiple doctors, but nothing seemed to be making a lasting difference. “In an attempt to find solace, I eventually decided to stop all medications and explore self-help methods.”
Schools Can Help
Mehreen, who just entered the third decade of her life, shared that she was inappropriately abused for the first time when she was in fifth grade. She usually had a family member accompany her home from school, but one day, she was walking home alone when a thirty-ish adult man started following her and forced her to go with him. “I still panic when I remember the incident. I can still recall every word he spoke”, which she now understands was purely lustful towards a child.
Mehreen expressed gratitude that her school teachers created awareness among the students about the abuse, “it gave me the courage to speak to my parents about what happened.”
In recent years, many such incidents have occurred across Kashmir. Earlier in 2023, many cases of sexual assault and rape against minor girls made headlines, but countless cases never see the light of day. These cases go unreported, unnoticed and haunt the victim forever.
The Other Gender
“I am always told that as a man, I should not say anything against the social idea of masculinity. But as a child, I was abused too,” a man, nearly thirty, who wished to remain anonymous, admitted.
“I was around ten when a distant relative started sexually abusing me. Although it ended soon, the torment has stayed with me,” the man said. “Even that short span of abuse left me with lifelong mental health issues. I have developed panic disorder and anxiety. Initially, I did not understand why, but my counsellor made sense of it based on my history of CSA.”
“Society tells men not to be emotional or expressive, so maybe since I could not vent my pain and anger, I developed these issues,” the man recalled with a pained expression. “I vividly remember all those times alone with that monster when he abused me,” he continued, his voice tinged with anger. “In a society like ours, it may be hard for people to understand, but trust me, many of my male friends are CSA survivors.”
Dr Sameer (name changed), now 40, shared how a frightening-looking man would prey on young boys near his school.
“His look sent shivers down one’s spine,” Sameer recalled with a shudder. “He would wait outside school for potential victims, trick them to a secluded place, and abuse them,” the doctor said. “He followed me many times and once he almost grabbed me. It was probably my awareness of his misdeeds that somehow saved me. After that day I could not go to school for a week, I was so afraid of him.”
In another case, a young man narrated how he was sexually abused by an older female relative. “I was a small child and did not understand what she was doing, but once I realised, I cut all ties with her. I would run away as soon as she approached me.”
Law and Regulations
Parliament passed the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act in 2012 to address CSA. This act criminalises sexual assault, harassment and pornography involving children, prescribing stringent punishments up to life imprisonment. Jammu and Kashmir was among the last states to implement POCSO in 2018 after the kidnapping, gangrape and murder of an 8-year-old Bakerwal girl in Kathua sparked mass outrage.
Advocate Sibtain Geelani, who practices at the Baramulla District Court, shared a case where a nine-year-old girl was raped by her 15-year-old stepbrother in Uri. “The boy was arrested and is in juvenile detention in Srinagar’s Harwan area,” he said. The mother who conspired and planned it was also arrested.
CSA cases fall under POCSO, Geelani said. “I do not personally take such cases as it goes against my conscience to represent child sex abusers. Under POCSO, perpetrators face three years to life imprisonment, meaning the rest of their lives.”
In another case in Chandoosa, a seven-year-old girl testified against her twenty-six-year-old abuser. “He was arrested for oral sex with a minor,” Geelani revealed.
Geelani bemoaned that some cases only came to light when a twelve-year-old victim becomes pregnant. “Such incidents are shocking beyond imagination,” he asserted that many cases go unreported as people opt for out-of-court settlements, “However, some do make it to court.”
The Social Aspect
Javed Ahmed, Assistant Professor at the University of Kashmir’s Department of Social Work, stated child sexual abuse has long existed, yet there is cultural silence due to factors like family and community. Hence, such issues are often buried.
“Children undergo sexual abuse, usually by someone close like an adult they trust. But these cases are rarely reported. The perpetrators are often from the child’s inner circle,” he said. “It is mostly an adult-child power imbalance that silences children. Children have perspectives but are shut down as we live in an adult-dominant society.”
“Children tolerate the abuse and do not share it as they have no avenue to discuss it. Our culture, community and families lack such spaces,” Ahmed said. “We need to invest in childhood. The communication gap between parents and children also prevents children from speaking out. Maybe joint families enabled perpetrators, but it is less prevalent in nuclear families.”
Ahmad said that the Government scheme implementation has helped create change. “Many cases are reported from schools too, as trained teachers can spot abuse. The government has invested in this in the last 5-6 years.”
Off late, the family structure has greatly changed in Kashmir. “Across schools, there is hardly a counsellor, psychologist or social worker for children to share with,” Ahmad regretted.
Studies suggested that boys are more prone to CSA. “They are unable to speak about it. Our socialisation of children is also a reason. It is a structural issue – the violation of a weaker person’s rights. We all need to come together. Schools should have counsellors to talk to and safe spaces for children.”
Medical Practitioners
Dr Yasir Rather is the Professor at the Department of Psychiatry, Government Medical College, Srinagar. He believes the CSA is a contributing factor to many mental health conditions.
“The irony is that when we contemplate sexual abuse with children, we think a stranger can do it, so we should keep children away from strangers,” Dr Yasir explained. “But the ugly reality is that most of the time, it is someone who knows the family and child – a cousin, relative, helper, or even immediate family.”
The psychiatrist’s face darkened as he recalled one case. “The most extreme I have seen was a stepfather sexually abusing his daughter, and the mother knew about it,” he said. “Children, when given a safe space, start narrating everything. It is like vivid memories for them – they recount the abuse stories, their emotions, their fears. They never come with a direct complaint of CSA. It is mental health issues or poor academics that raise red flags, and only when we probe do we uncover abuse.”
Dr Yasir, who sees two to three cases of childhood history of abuse every week, shook his head, sadly, insisting, “Children never come out and say they’re being abused. We have to be able to read the signs and ask the tough questions.”
Warning Signs
“You will notice changes in emotion and behaviour if a child is being abused,” Dr Yasir explained. “The child may seem scared, anxious, or depressed. They may become quieter or more distant, crying for no reason, or wetting the bed when previously potty trained.”
The doctor’s face grew serious, “Other warning signs are irritability, nightmares, losing interest in playing or avoiding certain places or people. There could be sudden weight loss or gain, or a decline in academics.”
“The child may stop caring for their hygiene and act younger than their age,” he continued. “Physically, you might notice swelling or redness around the genital area, difficulty walking or sitting, bruises in intimate areas, or urinary tract infections.”
Dr Yasir let out a heavy sigh, “CSA creates deep trauma that shapes a child’s personality. It leads to hyper-vigilance, trust issues, anxiety, depression, and relationship troubles that can last a lifetime.” His eyes reflected the weight of what he had seen. “The impacts are often devastating.”
Dr Masood Maqbool, Lecturer of Clinical Psychology at the Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (IMHANS) Kashmir, echoing Dr Yasir’s thoughts, stated CSA cases are very common in Kashmir. There are many CSA cases in which psychological issues develop over time and in some cases the victims tend to carry emotional baggage throughout their life.
“There are some clear warning signs that a child is being sexually abused that need to be recognised,” explained Dr Maqbool gravely. “Things like excessive playing with private parts, watching pornography, masturbating, lack of attention, persistent sadness, or fear of a particular person or place can raise red flags.”
The psychologist’s gaze grew distant as he said, “Often physical or emotional abuse co-occurs with CSA, compounding the trauma. The impacts on a victim’s life can be profound and far-reaching.”
He sighed heavily, the weight of what he would witness clear on his face. “It can go in different directions – some become hypersexual, others feel disgusted by intimacy. Obsessive behaviours, perfectionism, impulsivity, addictions – all can develop. Self-harm and suicidal thoughts frequently emerge, especially in adolescence.”
“The permutations of how CSA manifests are endless. Sometimes decades later, triggers can suddenly resurface, causing dissociative episodes and severe trust issues. The psychological scars run deep and therapy is always challenging.”
His voice grew soft while he explained, “The trauma shapes a victim’s personality in ways we are only beginning to grasp. There is no single outcome – anything can happen when such violations occur at a young age. The picture can be very complex.”
Clinical Issues
“There are some clear physical signs to look for when determining if a child has been sexually abused,” explained Dr Rayees Khanday, a paediatrician. “Scars, marks on the body, appetite or attention changes could indicate abuse.”
Often, it’s accompanied by physical or emotional abuse too. Rarely do patients openly present CSA cases. There is guilt, shame, and stigma attached.
The paediatrician went on solemnly, “They only come when medical issues manifest that stem from the abuse. Or we discover clues during unrelated exams. Many cases surface when minors are hospitalised from poisoning or suicide attempts.”
Thorough medical check-ups are critical, including the genital area for concealed bruising. Any suspicious marks warrant further investigation like x-rays or ultrasounds to document internal injuries.
“CSA is an extremely sensitive issue. Warning signs must be recognised early and never ignored. Children should never be left unsupervised,” he concluded. “We have to be their voice when they cannot speak out themselves.”
The Flip Side
A senior police official speaking anonymously shared a case he handled around three years ago. A minor girl had given birth. “I received a call from a local hospital and knew something was wrong,” he stated. “The girl was barely sixteen, so we had to file a case under POCSO.”
As investigations began, the girl revealed a relationship with a boy who the police arrested. She alleged a physical relationship and the child was his, but the boy denied it. “While investigating, we retrieved the girl’s call records. She was involved with this boy for eight months and with four other boys simultaneously,” the officer added.
Dissatisfied with their statements, he inquired with their neighbours and learned some disturbing details. “I took DNA samples from the five boys, the girl’s father and brother, and sent them for testing in Chandigarh,” the officer said. “The results were shocking. The DNA matched her fifteen-year-old brother 100 per cent. The girl later confirmed it. His brother was booked under POCSO.”
The officer said with the brother was sixteen and the sister two years older.”
(Note: It is important to remember that abuse is never the victim’s fault and that it is never too late to seek help.)
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